Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
