1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
