So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
