all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
So many bounce houses so little time
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize