he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
