I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
