He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
