first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
