My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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