He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
