ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
