Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
