It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
