Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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