I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My ass is underappreciated
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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