i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
