It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
