I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
