im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
