Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize