two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
