Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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