Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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