tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
