I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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