Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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