I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She needs sedatives and a leash
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
