i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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