He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
false alarm. still invincible.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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