..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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