dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
