After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize