The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
