thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
