margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And then my night got REAL pukey
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
