apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
