Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
