Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
