I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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