census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize