thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
