party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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