My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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