Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
