Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
