I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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