I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
