I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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