Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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