I heard we made out
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
