So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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