yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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