Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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