He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize