i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
