You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
