We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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