Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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