Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How's work?
Spinning.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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