I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
