o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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