were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
