So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
