how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize