non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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