Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
