So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
