I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
