so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
