11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
