someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Pants are for mortals
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
