im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
We are all done wearing pants today
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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