A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
did i just pee glitter
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
