I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
